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  #31  
Old August 6th, 2012, 07:48
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi busy i haven't replied to you before as i joined in march but i read about your mum and the grief it has left you with as you learn to cope without her i am so sorry for your loss your mum sounds a wonderful person and must have been the backbone to your family
you visit the day you wiped away her tears what a wonderful daughter and a comfort to her you were when she needed you most that day has gone and as you think of it remember that you were there for her she felt your love sometimes we relive the agony of it all as if they are still in pain going through it but she is at peace in no more pain where she is now is with all her heavenly family those she loved in her life and family she never met she is happy all she taught you throughout your life and all her love remains with you part of her all she ever was is part of you
i hope you and your son can after the year has now past find strength from her love to celebrate who she was all she did all the memories she created and thank god she was here and you were so blessed to have her for your mum
i send my love to you hazelxx

Last edited by hazelharris : August 7th, 2012 at 04:01.
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  #32  
Old August 7th, 2012, 04:24
Busie Busie is offline
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Thank you hazelharris for your reply and comforting words, they mean the world to me and my son and I shall convey the message to my sisters. I believe that we will and we are coming out stronger out of all that has happened. I have been giving my sisters feedback about you my friends who have helped me to cope and thereby helping my son and them understand that there are other people in this world who have been touched by the angel of death in many forms and we share grief and love for the people who've been our family and friends.

When I look back at how much she loved us, it's like a realization to me, for me to tell everyone who has a parent living to love them like there is no tomorrow because, there is no tomorrow. The time I had with her, especially during the evening (our evening tea and biscuits and chats)and driving to buy grocery and going and having breakfasts and lunches means I was being prepared to be left with such wonderful memories. I look back and think of the time I got back from my marriage and she welcomed me with open arms and did not judge me instead she gave me love and protection, when I needed a place to stay she told me I was never chased out of home and she did not want me gone from home. She prayed for me to be able to buy a car for travelling to work and taking my son to school as it was difficult, she taught me the meaning of prayer and connection with God the Almighty not only for the things we need but for knowing God and appreciating life, she was not a big speaker, she was a lady. I received all that she prayed for, that I needed and my son benefited and in return I made sure that that car was as much as hers as my sons', it helped me when she needed to go to doctors, to church, to shop, to her family, she was there when I first dove to church and she was so proud of me, I can't stop imagining her smiling when we drove off for the first time as a family. Now that she is gone, I can't stop thinking of her on that hospital bed, with all the pipes and her struggling to breathe, I wanted to take that pain from her and carry that pain because she looked so fragile and yet strong, she held on for the whole week before she finally left, when she woke a bit, I told her to get up now because I wanted to take her to the spa to treat her bed sores and have tea and juice with her, she smiled and because she could not speak, she gave me a thumbs up, in that moment I felt relieved that she was indeed coming back to us, to be with us and I will do as I promised, only to find that the next day she was back to being weak. I remember calling her when she drifted away and whenever we'd call her name, she would come back (the machines would tell us) but we realised that we were actually holding her back and when we called her again, she did not come back. I was in so much shock then I cried but I couldn't feel my tears and I couldn't feel myself but I kept telling myself that this is just a nightmare and I will wake up. The 6th of August will never be the same for me, the month of August ( the month she gave birth to me) will never be the same to me and my family. Christmas will never be the same, holidays will never be the same, nothing will ever be the same.

I do believe that with all the struggles we are facing as a family, she is overseeing the healing process together with God through Jesus Christ. I will never stop to remember her, loving her and tell her whenever I get a chance of that knowing that she hears me.

Thank you again, for all your support, writing this, tears are just streaming down and I can't hold them but I know that when I am calm I will be better.

May God bless all of you.

Busi
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  #33  
Old August 7th, 2012, 05:12
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi busie you remember the day your son was born the overwhelming joy it gave you well your mum felt that joy the day all her children were born how can you not celebrate your birthday it's a day you gave this feeling of love to your mum it's a day that changed her life for the better a day that was always in her heart and felt blessed for it's a day of celebration of your life without this day your mums life would never have been the same because you were born you became part of her
christmas is the same the day Jesus was born a day to celebrate his birth with the same joy and celebration as none of our lives would have been the same without him he gave his life so we can all meet again in heaven where you will meet your mum again one day
your mum must have loved christmas why feel sad on a day that gave her so much happiness
there are ways of making the 6th of august a special day for your mum in her rememberance you can call it your mothers day and all your family can get together and honour her by being happy with the memories she has given you pray sing light a candle make a mums cake one she liked etc but being together is what she would have wished
we all in our loss feel the same as we see others who are oblivious to grief and losing a loved one you don't want others to feel this pain but i believe if everyone in the world knew and understood life is short our loved ones can be called to heaven at any time we would all be kinder and more loving to one another
your mum loved you and lived her life to shield you from harm and tears all she wanted was for you to be happy you have to learn to fulfill her dreams in finding joy in your life with your son
all my love hazelxx
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  #34  
Old August 8th, 2012, 02:43
Busie Busie is offline
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Hi hazeharris, thank you again for your wise words, they are true. Both my parents tried for a boy but ended up with 6 girls with one already with them in heaven thus leaving 5 girls, I being the last born. It was a house full of laughter and joy and tears of course but I never imagined this time coming, and looking at our house now it is empty. I thought I'll be scared to be in that house as it felt so empty but I am ok, I am more than ok, I feel safe in that house, it was a home, it's a home. Yes, mom loved holidays especially Christmas, we used to shop together and she loved going to church on Christmas morning, she looked forward to Christmas. Last year was the first Christmas , the first New Year's celebration without her and I just sat there crying, crying, crying - remembering how she loved New Year's celebration and how she made sure we went shopping for all the goodies for children in the house and everything else. That was the first and the loneliest holiday celebration and I am praying to be able to cope this time around. I understand that some people are oblivious to grief because at some point we were like that but now we know better in that we will see our loved ones in heaven. I have a video clip that I took of my mom when she visited her mothers' grave and she was praying, I always go to that video to see her and other pics of her and I have the most beautiful pic of her (her latest) and I look at that and wonder what she felt as it was near her time and yet she looked so beautiful and smiling and fresh, without us knowing and without any sign that she will leave soon, I then ask myself, how does a body shut down like that. How did she become so sick that she lost her life, even in her ICU bed she looked so beautiful, just as I know her. I guess all those questions and more I will ask when I see her but I will carry her love and try with each day to be happy in her memory and be happy with my son. It might take longer for all of us to heal completely but I know with each day we take it is step closer to healing.

Stay blessed and I too will pray for you.

Busi
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  #35  
Old August 9th, 2012, 05:46
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 17:00.
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  #36  
Old August 9th, 2012, 06:26
gumek gumek is offline
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hello dear busie, i'm so sorry for your dear mums passing, i have been reading your posts and replys from our forum family and have kept you in my prayers, we all were meant to come to this place so we could support each other on our sad and sometimes painful journeys. when our loves go from this realm to the next, it can hurt so much, we get those days when we think, arrh, its getting easier, then somehing brings to us a memory, sometimes happy and sometimes sad but we get through it somehow, the lord brings helpers into our lives, someone who will just be there for a while to listen, to not judge, it does seem tghat some of us even go a bit bonkers for a while, think its called widows brain,

like yourself, hazel, j's daughter and myself have found that our loves are still able to hear us, we can speak softly to hem, no need to shout, and they are never far from us, they are still very much connected with us, just foor now there earthly bodies are asleep but their spirits are very much alive. your mum will be there always for you, one day we all will be called home too and they all will be right there waiting, we try to look forward to the future, tthat may seem painful at times, i have been so scared of being alone for the rest of my life not being able to cope without my husband, he was so strong and protective, but although we may be lonely, we are never alone, heaven is all around us and in our hearts. i'm sorry if im rambling on dear busie, i just wanted to add to hazel and j's daugghters encouraginggg words. its funny though how as i write this post, i am once again strenghtend and encouraged myself. welcome to this family of special people dear busie, keep in touch, take care, hope to speak soon.

hugs chrissie. xxx
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  #37  
Old August 9th, 2012, 07:14
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 17:00.
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  #38  
Old August 9th, 2012, 08:58
gumek gumek is offline
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Originally Posted by j's daughter View Post
Hi chrissie,

Isn't it strange, chrissie, that there are billions of people on the planet, a whole crowd of them living just next door to us, and we still feel sometimes as if we are alone in the world?

There are times that I don't go out my door for days, not from depression, but just because I have no need to go out. Don't need groceries, don't have any appointments, or else I am just busy with my reading and writing and don't have time to go out. And I maybe don't see a human face for days. Just me and the cat all alone in the world. And it does feel as if we are all alone. I'm in an apartment building, and I know there are other people next door and upstairs (I hear them).

My one good friend is away on holiday this week, so I don't have even a phone call from her. Seems at times as if I am the only one in the world.

And you are right, chrissie. I only need to go to the computer, and there are people I have never met in person, yet they are at the end of the e-mail or on a message board. I took an online writing course recently, and really connected with one of the students in that course. She and I just seemed to hit it off. I've never met her - I'm in Canada and she is in the U.S. We now talk by computer almost every day.

Busie, I hope you are slowly meeting new people, too. This group has been a lifesaver for me, especially in early days. It's so good to talk to people who know what I'm living through because they are there, too, living with the same situations.

Chrissie, hope you have a good day. Be well, be blessed.

hello dear chris, i'm glad you are well, l hear that its a little cooler there now, today its roasting here, we are all so proud of our champions at the olympics may be a bit too hot for them today though.Too hot for Bani.

You know Chris it is so true how the world is so crowded and yet there are lonely people everywhere arn't there?Some of us have found each-other on forum, maybe we should advertise it everywhere we go to all the lonely.

I'm glad your ok chris, i'm always here for a chat if you need someone to pour out to, don't forget will you. take care.

chrissie, xxx
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  #39  
Old January 15th, 2013, 13:30
Emma wilkins Emma wilkins is offline
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Hi, Im new to these forums so unsure what to expect. I lost my Mam 1month ago today. She was only 59. She died after a battle with cancer and then pneumonia. She died quickly, in hospital with het family by her bedside. What I cant stop thinking about is the tears in her eyes just before she closed them. I wanted to take away the pain and so wanted her to wake up.She then had what I now know to be the death rattle for 8 hoirs before she finally passed away. Im so lost witjout her.I talk to her all tje time and cuddle one of her yeddies at might. I ask het to hold my hand when in bed and I feel an amazing peace come over me. I have stsrted to pray, which I didnt do before. my thoughts are with you and if the sunset and the touch of a hand helpsus with our grief then believe xx
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  #40  
Old January 15th, 2013, 15:40
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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