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  #11  
Old September 7th, 2011, 13:45
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua J's daughter, thank you for your comments. You are right when you say that the death of a loved one makes us become seekers and doubters, only in my case I doubted first and became a seeker second.

When we lose a loved one it makes us think about our own mortality. I have found that people who have no faith find 'the passing' much harder than those who do have a faith and a belief in the afterlife.

I am glad you have a big 'but' at the end of your sentence, because the evidence of what happens to us when we die is there for all to read in the Scriptures. I do hope that you may find the time one day to take some time out to read them. In the meantime I will remember you in my prayers.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #12  
Old September 7th, 2011, 15:01
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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  #13  
Old September 8th, 2011, 08:13
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua J's daughter, I am currently guiding others in this via personal messages. I will send you a starting point with some explanations.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #14  
Old October 3rd, 2011, 06:04
Busie Busie is offline
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Default Losing my mom

Hi Friends

It's been a while since I opened my heart to you again. I was trying to make sure that I try and deal with my loss and find courage and strength. It's not easy still, it hurts like yesterday. I talk to Jesus through prayer and at times find myself focusing on the positive but other days I really feel her presence/spirit and it takes me back to the day she left and days prior to that.

I watched John Edward last week (SA time) and heard him give advise that we must try and not dwell on how a person passed on or what they were feeling then and why did they decide to go and so on as this will not give their spirit rest in a way. I understand it but how does one not visit that beacuse the moment the sorrow and pain come back, it hurts to think about it, it takes you back.

My mom cried a lot in her coma and as much as I assure my sister that she loved/ loves all of us and I am sure of that, irrespective of what my other sisters imply, I strongly believe and know she loved/loves each and everyone of us as we were all her children. But, I still find it hard to go pass her pain, that I saw as she kept trying to talk & tears rolling down on the side of her eyes. When I feel that pain it's like I am travelling in a time machine and I get to that very day, that very situation and I get to see why she is crying. I have no idea if this makes sense. Now that she is gone I think I understand the pain she felt when she was lying there realising that we (sisters) will never get along and she could see what was going to happen to us. How do I go pass that pain as it engulfs me everyday. My closest sister told me yesterday that she felt her presence in her (sister's) bedroom a couple of times and as she ad my mom had a bit of a stormy relationship, my sister made sure that she told mom that all is forgiven and that she loves her, needless to say we all thought mom would pull through. I am happy for my sister and mom that they finally got the chance to know they do love each other. My sister still had doubts until she felt her presence in her bedroom and it was like she told her that she should listen to me that she (mom) loved and loves her (sister).

Somehow I still want to have this closure as I feel cheated by her passing. I was sure she'd pull through, we did everythign together, I miss her, the thought of her brings me to tears. I can't even enjoy a day out or anything of that sort. I know life must go on but how.

Some day it's better, some days it's soooo painful and not to mention the loneliness. I wish to just see her one more time, talk to her, I have so much to talk to her about, to ask her. I am no longer that angry / upset but I still feel she gave up too easily. When I drive or am seated in the car and see the clouds move especially in a cold, cloudy day, I can't help feel her as her passing happened on a cloudy, rainy day. I used to love those days but I can't help but be said on them.

Thank you again for being here.

I am sure I will pull through in time, I guess I must just go through and work on my feelings and with your help I will.

Stay Blessed.
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  #15  
Old October 3rd, 2011, 10:55
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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  #16  
Old October 3rd, 2011, 16:34
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Busie, welcome back amongst you friends and many thanks to J's daughter for the loving advice she gave you.

Busie please stop looking to fraudsters for help. These mediums just make a living out of suffering souls. When your mum died, her spirit left the body and went into Sheol. Nothing we do or don't do can affect that. Thinking about her is not preventing her from having 'rest'. I know they think they have a gift to share, but the reality is the practices they perform are totally forbidden in scripture.

Do as J's daughter suggests, talk to her. She can hear you. She will be praying for you. Praying that you start to feel better about her passing. Start to feel her love. Stop dwelling on her passing, and remember the happy times. I know it is hard, but you must try a stop wandering back to her last days. You carry her in your heart and you can carry her in a locket.

Know that I have already prayed for you.
May God bless you
Tom
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  #17  
Old October 4th, 2011, 01:35
Busie Busie is offline
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Default Losing my Mom

Thank you J's daughter. I can't tell you how much your positive response does to me this morning. I actually did that (talk to her). At first I was scared beacuse I tohught, what would I say to her but as I entered her bedroom, I sat on the edge of the bed as I always did but I couldn't utter a word, tears just rolled and rolled and it was like my mind was just empty and it was just floating until I lifted my head up and realised again that I was in her bedroom.

It was then that I started talking to her as if she were there, still tears were rolling and I couldn't even wipe them away enough but I continued and afterwards it felt better knowing I had spoken to her. I took a drive as well before that day and went to her favourite sea side & parked there and cried and spoke to her until I was okay. I went home felling like she heard me. Everytime I talk to her I get so exhausted that I just get home and get to bed but I feel better afterwards.

Last nite was one of those nights where my body was just not carrying me but I wasn't crying but I was just exhausted out of the blue and I looked at my son, my sister & my nephews and realised that I can see them but I felt like I wasn't with them. I turned and looked at my mom's picture on the wall and smiled, that was praying time. We prayed and afterwards I went and had a cup of black rooibos tea with my son. I suddenly felt better and as I was back in the room again, I started chatting to my nephews and everyone around.

I hear you J's daughter and I am trying to go past everything else and embrace her love. We used to go everywhere together. I used to even tease her and say "I won't get another husband if I constantly have her and my son on my drives to the malls and what not" and I would laugh outloud and I would tell her that I don't want another husband, she, my son and my family are just enough for me to love and we'd all laugh. I enjoyed being with her in my drives. I miss those drives, I miss her sitting next to me as I drive.

I hear you again about writing to her, that would be my best way of healing as I would tell her all that I need to tell her and it would allow me to cry all that I want and keep wonderful memories. I really MISS her. I have not had the courage to go back to the hospital but somehow I want to as I feel that this will give me the closure to know she is gone, like I will talk to her again and tell her that I love her, that we want her back home, that all will be well. I just want to visit the chapel, the corridors and touch / walk where I did during that time to close that chapter. I do still have questions about a lot of things but I know I'll get those answers when the time is right. This coming Thurday, 06 October will be 2 full months since she passed. I am asking God to help me heal each day at a time. Accept that all was God's will. Not to question too much anymore but accept what has happened. It is not easy but I will not stop trying. I ask God to help me forgive my other two sisters for the way they behaved.


To you Tom, thank you again for your wise words. I will not stop trying to heal and be a better me and mom to my son.

Thank you guys

Stay blessed.
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  #18  
Old October 4th, 2011, 01:42
Busie Busie is offline
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Default Losing my Mom

Thank you J's daughter. I can't tell you how much your positive response does to me this morning. I actually did that (talk to her). At first I was scared beacuse I tohught, what would I say to her but as I entered her bedroom, I sat on the edge of the bed as I always did but I couldn't utter a word, tears just rolled and rolled and it was like my mind was just empty and it was just floating until I lifted my head up and realised again that I was in her bedroom.

It was then that I started talking to her as if she were there, still tears were rolling and I couldn't even wipe them away enough but I continued and afterwards it felt better knowing I had spoken to her. I took a drive as well before that day and went to her favourite sea side & parked there and cried and spoke to her until I was okay. I went home felling like she heard me. Everytime I talk to her I get so exhausted that I just get home and get to bed but I feel better afterwards.

Last nite was one of those nights where my body was just not carrying me but I wasn't crying but I was just exhausted out of the blue and I looked at my son, my sister & my nephews and realised that I can see them but I felt like I wasn't with them. I turned and looked at my mom's picture on the wall and smiled, that was praying time. We prayed and afterwards I went and had a cup of black rooibos tea with my son. I suddenly felt better and as I was back in the room again, I started chatting to my nephews and everyone around.

I hear you J's daughter and I am trying to go past everything else and embrace her love. We used to go everywhere together. I used to even tease her and say "I won't get another husband if I constantly have her and my son on my drives to the malls and what not" and I would laugh outloud and I would tell her that I don't want another husband, she, my son and my family are just enough for me to love and we'd all laugh. I enjoyed being with her in my drives. I miss those drives, I miss her sitting next to me as I drive.

I hear you again about writing to her, that would be my best way of healing as I would tell her all that I need to tell her and it would allow me to cry all that I want and keep wonderful memories. I really MISS her. I have not had the courage to go back to the hospital but somehow I want to as I feel that this will give me the closure to know she is gone, like I will talk to her again and tell her that I love her, that we want her back home, that all will be well. I just want to visit the chapel, the corridors and touch / walk where I did during that time to close that chapter. I do still have questions about a lot of things but I know I'll get those answers when the time is right. This coming Thurday, 06 October will be 2 full months since she passed. I am asking God to help me heal each day at a time. Accept that all was God's will. Not to question too much anymore but accept what has happened. It is not easy but I will not stop trying. I ask God to help me forgive my other two sisters for the way they behaved.


To you Tom, thank you again for your wise words. I will not stop trying to heal and be a better me and mom to my son.

Thank you guys

Stay blessed.
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  #19  
Old October 4th, 2011, 07:15
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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  #20  
Old November 25th, 2011, 03:28
Busie Busie is offline
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Hello Friends

It's been a while since I chatted to you. I have been trying to make sure I take stock of everything that's happening in my life and the passing away of my mom.

Today, Zama (my sister) called me urgently and when I finaly got her call, she told me that our Aunty, my mom's sister has passed away and that her daughters do not know yet. She has come to know these because she works in a hospital and it brought back a lot of memories. My aunt was the same as my mom. I
pray that all of this passes and when we look back, we can be witnesses to God's will.

It's not an easy journey especially as I find myself battling with emotions in between and trying to be there for my sister who finds it very difficult to cope. She has anger, feels betrayed and is feeling alone. I sometimes have these feelings but I try my best to tell myself that I cannot blame mom anymore, that she is gone and whatever difficulties we are faced with as a family are just that, difficulties. My older sisters fights us on every decision that has to be taken as long it comes from my sister (Zama) and myself.

My older sister makes sure that we do not find peace, that we do not progress as she puts it "it will be her word that takes precedence" It's sad that we have come to this but the reality is, she wants to remain in the house and take over. I cannot subject my son or myself to the pain, the fights and all that goes on just because I am scared to take that first, I have to take that first step towards life.

I pray that my sister (Zama) finds healing, finds closure, finds peace. Losing our mom has not been easy. I spoke to her and told her that no matter what happened while mom was alive but she loved us in her own unique way. Every parent knows their child and I do not think mom would have failed to know us individually. I have mentioned to her that healing has to start by her forgiving herself for whatever that might have happened between her and mom. She must then forgive mom for whatever happened when she was still alive. This way, it will calm her and give her sense of peace as well as mom's spirit. She is so angry with mom, she feels that mom should've done her part in making their relationship work and should've taken a step in disciplining others. I love my sister and I want her to heal. I told her that sometimes what we don't know won't kill us, so to say. I told her she must stop digging for mistakes, she must just move on ahead and know that my mom loved her just as much.

Thank you for your prayers and support. Please do not stop, my and my family's journey is far from over, we have mountains and rivers to cross and it's not an easy journey but with your help and prayers I am sure we shall overcome.

Stay blessed!
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