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  #1  
Old April 20th, 2012, 08:08
kip kip is offline
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Unhappy a difficult one...

I had cut ties with a friend when the friendships crossed boundaries, he was single - I was married with children. It didn't change how I felt only that I could no longer be in his life in any way. He was an incredible man - a man who's mind was so knowing, his ways so unique. He was local to me and I would occasionally see him, but never to speak to again. I hadn't seen him for a while and was worried, i found out he had had a stoke, an amputation, he had attempted suicide and had been drinking heavily - i knew this chance would be the only time to let him know that he was never from my mind, i did get a card to him through a mutual friend,, but never heard back, although later found out he wanted to speak to me, no one told me closure some may say. A month later he was found dead. His body has gone to coroners, I do not know when the funeral service is, i don't know whether to try and go - so scared that i may jeopadise my marriage, i thought of just sending flowers, or even seeing if i could see him at the funeral parlour. or whether i should just say he has gone and that is that. i am struggling so hard to just accept as i know this is my last chance. I cannot grieve in the normal way because of course the circumstances are not typical.
i thought maybe flowers to the service 'forget me nots' x thankyou for listening x
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Old April 20th, 2012, 09:51
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi kip sorryfor the loss of this man that did mean something special to you when you found out he was ill all sorts of emotions must have taken over in your mind it's emotions of what was and what might have been you probably felt sorry for the past and may i say this but not in an accusing way guilt that you once touched his heart then found out too late there was no future for you both
you can love more than one person but all in different ways and different depths of feeling you couldn't save him if you had visited he would have known in his heart what you both were to one another once but i really think if you had visited him it would have only served the purpose of easing your own mind and would have only added to his own unhappinessas coping with his illness you would have been a reminder of what his life could have been
you must i know fealt devistated to hear how ill he was in the end and your compassion towards him is understandable it's not what you wanted for him but the choices he also made in his life were not your fault so don't blame yourself he may have always gone down the road he did wether you were with him or not
as far as the funeral goes in my opinion send flowers attend the funeral if you want it's just respectful to go to the church of anyone you know who is departed
look in your own life to what you have and be happy look to the past only to see the roads you have taken live for today and look forward to your future love to you hazel
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Old April 23rd, 2012, 02:57
kip kip is offline
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Thankyou so much for your kind words - you have made me feel so much better about things. I went to his house and talked to his lodger - i saw his room and the chaos in which he had been living - very sad. I was able to take a book her had recently been reading - which I can look at from time to time - a keepsake However this is the path he chose - i couldn't have changed things, re the service - the family want a close and personal service and therefore i won't be going - however they did say about spreading his ashes, maybe i could go along later..., or the following day.x thankyou - and you are right must look to the future now. thankyou again kip x
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Old April 23rd, 2012, 03:50
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi kip thanks for your reply you have been in my thoughts and prayers you are a good person to care and have shown great courage and compassion you are doing the right thing yes you can go later and it will be more personal to you take a prayer or poem to say and tell him in your own words what you feel i know they don't like balloons sent off much today but you could on your own release a red heart to send to him in heaven i wish you joy in your future love hazelxxx
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