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Old September 17th, 2012, 20:04
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406

I agree you need not subject yourself to abuse from Mom or anyone, Confused88. I also agree someone with alcoholism cannot be made healthy by someone else - it has to start with the person who has the disease seeking help. Some are not able to take that step.

My brother was an alcoholic - he died from the disease many years ago - so I know a little bit about alcoholism, what it does to the person who has it, and to the people who love the person with alcoholism. The hardest thing I had to accept was that even though I loved him, I couldn't save my brother from himself.

I agree that a child, even an adult child, need not put herself in a position of danger, a position to be drawn down by an alcoholic parent. As I said, I see no need for you to put yourself in harm's way, no need for you to accept abuse from Mom or anyone.

I'm not suggesting that it's ok for you to be emotionally hurt any longer by alcoholism.

I also understand that Mom's behaviour, as hurtful and destructive as it has been and still may be, hurts her as much as it has hurt you. For one thing, it has cut her off from you, her daughter. Alcoholism cut my brother off from his family, from work, from life finally.

Your Mom is in a prison that is so very difficult to break out of. I only am concerned that you not be trapped there by too heavy a load of hurt and anger. Your Mom has lost the years when she might have been ... well, your Mom. She has lost the chance to be your comfort now. I can't imagine anything sadder for her than that. And I can understand your pain at not having the Mom you should have had.

I feel a sadness for you both, and a hope that you both will have the help you need to find your way. Please continue to talk to us here. There are people here who do understand.
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