struggling to cope after my dads death
Hi there, im new to all this.....
not sure where to start.....
im anna 29 years old 2 daughters 6 & 11years old.
my dad had a bad leg from march last year, been back and forth to the doctors, in the end they said he had the start of arthritis.
22nd of october 2014, last year, is when my life got turned upside down, the doctor said he had lung cancer and it had spread to his kidney, pelvis, his leg, adrenal glands, throat and brain!
couldnt believe what I had just heard....what was going on!
he had radiotherapy and I had to shave his hair off, just seeing my dad all fragile and he then started to look poorly!
He became very ill on the 5th of december 2014 and ended up in hospital, he knew he was dying..he told me....I didnt want to leave his side, he took his last breath on the 11th of december....I feel robbed, hurt, angry, so sad, my heart hurts so much!!
I wanted to see him at the chapel of rest but changed my mind last minute & couldnt physically see him as they said he dont look like him.
but I sat with his coffin, it felt so cold...I screamed for him....thats all I think about, picturing my dad IN a coffin...reliving him passing away, him turning yellow & blue, the death rattle!
I struggle to get these images out of my head.
im bottling things up for my girls, I dont want them seeing me cry all the time....my daughter said the other day that she is forgetting what grandad looks like, that makes me so so sad!
im hoping there is someone I can talk to on here?