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Old November 26th, 2013, 15:54
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406

Hello Coopergirl1803,

I haven't posted at forum for a few months, although I've popped in occasionally to see how everyone is doing. Your message calls me to answer. I'm going into my third Christmas without my Mom. She died in September 2010.

You say you are 6 months past your Mum's passing, and you're finding it difficult to cope. Six months is still early days, if I remember my own experience. It took a very long while for me to begin to come back to the world. I've lost all my family now: both parents, brother, cousins etc. to death. I'm the only one left, so I can understand and empathize with your losses.

How do you cope, you ask. Slowly, one day at a time. Or one moment at a time, if that's what you can manage. And loss will indeed affect everything you do, every thought you have, every breath you take, for a long while. It's very personal, this moving on thing. We each do what we can, in our own way, in our own time. No one can hurry you, or bring you along to a place until you are ready to move on. You will move forward when you are ready. Until then, be where you are. Be in the sadness, if that's where the day takes you.

I can tell you from a point a few years ahead of where you are now, the sorrow does get lighter. I won't say yet that it ever goes away completely. For some of us, there will always be a corner of our heart that feels the pain of loss. But we go on, because we must. Those we've lost deserve nothing less.

I've posted here for other daughters along the way, and say again: "Those whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are." I've truly come to believe that, and it gives a degree of peace.

Your Mum is still with you in spirit. She always will be. If what you want to do now is cry, then cry. The tears must come out first, if you are to have room inside for peace and joy. I've been where you are now, so I know your sadness. But please trust me, the way forward does get easier, in time.

For now, just be where you are and know others have been there, too. Been there, and walked on, gently forward, in time.
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