http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum Share your grief and sadness in our bereavement forum. Find poems for a funeral service or eulogy. Order sympathy flowers and read about coping with your loss. Watch the inspiring movie, or send a free sympathy ecard. Remember that you are not alone! en Thu, 17 May 2012 09:25:23 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1992&goto=newpost Wed, 16 May 2012 15:32:26 GMT As I have reiterated before in my previous posts.... I'm neither a Professional or a "KNOW IT ALL " .... I have been schooled in repetitive deep losses in my life and have developed a different objective point of view.. As always I post my thoughts not to be inflamatory but to facilitate thought on the subject. You decide on the information .. if it rings true within you or if it's rubbish....

Just some of my thoughts ... over time I have studied many articles, and books on different subjects and have come up with my own objective train of thought on these subjects.. Please feel free to read on.

My Thoughts on the subject: Decide for yourself if I'm being subjective...


Although suffering may seem ungodly, undesirable, and painful, it actually embodies a very specific purpose. Suffering brings us much closer to God and creates compassion within us.

When we are suffering, we are much more open and tolerant. When we are open, willing, and tolerant, the God energy or God consciousness can fill us to a much greater degree. More importantly, we let go while suffering, and consequently, open ourselves to something different, and thereby allow something new to happen to us. When we are suffering, we ourselves cannot absolve whatever is ailing or affecting us. These emotions of pain or suffering are essential. They serve as a catalyst, to direct us back to the Source. Suffering jolts us out of our routines. We then go deep within, and examine our lives and ourselves. In addition, we ask for help. When we ask for help and really mean it, we usually receive it. Nevertheless, we have to get out of the way first, and let go of our ego or of our controlling self. This is a vital part of the ascension process. Suffering is another way that we connect more deeply and strongly to the Source.

After we have attained this connection with God through suffering, at a later stage, we should be able to recall this feeling of connection, and utilise it through application in all areas of our life. If we can remember our feeling when the Source was present, we could then summon the Source repeatedly to help others as well.

After we have gone through an experience of suffering, which has opened us to the higher powers, we then seem much more ready and in alignment to assist others, and become involved in some kind of humanitarian work. In other words, suffering helps us to develop compassion.

When suffering is viewed from the higher realms, it looks very different. In the higher realms, it is known that life comes and goes. When looking back at a suffering experience, after one has left their physical body, one does not feel that this experience was any big deal. It is known that suffering/pain/hurt etc. are a part-and-parcel of descending into the physical world of tangible form and solidity. Emotions, on the other hand, are valued; as they are one of the things, that being ‘in-form’ is all about. Suffering is simply another experience and no big deal. However, we certainly think it is a big deal when we are the ones who are undergoing the experience of suffering.

Suffering and compassion are partners. Moreover, compassion is a vibrating state of emotion, existent only in the third dimensional world. Suffering affects a vibrational change in a person, creates emotions of compassion towards other fellow beings, and allows an opening to the Source, as well as at times summons in the new. We can infer that suffering in another is not something we need to meddle with, or become involved in its alleviation. This is not always a set rule, of course. The non-physical beings watch us suffer continually and never meddle. This is because they are simply honouring our process. As we are becoming the human angels of the Earth, we will need to adopt this higher way of being as well. Feel compassion for others who are suffering but allow them their space and pace of evolution. It is not advisable to always heal another. Sometimes we need to walk the extra mile in order to evolve. Sometimes we need to suffer to shed karma. Each human being on Earth has its own blueprint/patri/contract that allows for certain events to occur in their lives which trigger cleansing of karmic debris and learning of lessons that are of utmost importance to gain freedom from the cycles of reincarnation. Remember suffering, when viewed from the higher perspective, is actually a freeing experience as it releases karma and disease. When you suffer pain the next time, know that you are successfully releasing and healing the ‘dis-ease’.

Compassion, therefore, does not mean that you must act by trying to change the other person’s blueprint, or prevent the events from playing out as pre-determined by the other, but by offering support to the other person through qualities of strength, wisdom, and love. Sometimes acts of kindness can actually cripple another for life. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives to appreciate our blessings and gifts. One may desire to live on top of a beautiful mountain but you must first attempt to climb it. The climb could cause discomfort, induce pain and suffering, but remember when you know joy without pain, you do not understand the essence and spirit of joy. In a third dimensional physical world, we are meant to experience the expression of duality in all its manifestations. This is the dimension of polarity and relativity. Suffering is as much a play here as is happiness. This is the package deal. Consequently, it is important that we understand and value suffering for what it is and what it produces.


Thank you for taking time to read my thoughts....



I wish you peace


Cal821 ]]> Grief recovery cal821 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1992 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1991&goto=newpost Tue, 15 May 2012 15:24:26 GMT *All relationships, including the one with ourselves, take on a new life and vitality once we come to terms with our loneliness and also... All relationships, including the one with ourselves, take on a new life and
vitality once we come to terms with our loneliness and also understand
that we are never really alone.

After losing my wife Tammy.. I went through what many of you are facing now.... I may have some suggestive advice that may help you if you are willing to look at your loneliness objectively..


Please feel free to read on..


It seemed like a never ending night, sleepless, dense and thick. After my deep loss, I lay night after night, feeling the heat of the darkness smother me. The loneliness would creep into my bones, running endlessly as thoughts. Sleep would bring dreams, dreams that weren’t lonely. Every morning with a dull ache, I would live another day. Sometimes, surrounded by people but longing for those who weren’t, for a reality that’s now fantasy, for moments set in memory. Memories are ghosts, spirits of a living past and dead future.

This is the place for the lonely, a graveyard with sounds of laughter and fabric, twinkly tea lights, half opened merlots and music. Loneliness, like oil, always floats on top of your spirit, suffocating life below. It sparks a fear, and like all fears, slowly consumes.

Divorce, deaths, relocations, breakups, losses, all are solitary struggles of the heart. After our deep loss the insidious cycle of grief causes applification of our fears, regrets and woes..... Many of us struggle with things we said or did or didn't get to say or do... The feeling of grief causes us to be compelled to face these demons like never before...All rolled into one giant peroid of remorse and regret . We all have one thing in common, we all face a solitary struggle.

How do we become whole again? How do we repair our minds? These struggles are inevitable, but they need not become life sentences.

Loneliness can become a bitter poison for people who have suffered greatly and if not kept in check can consume lives through suicide or addictions.

But why does it truly have to feel like this? How do we cope with it? What is the answer in facing this " Feeling of Self-Torture?"


Many philosophers, spiritual teachers and therapists discuss ways to combat loneliness. I have read about pranic healer in Mumbai, that had said they get many people who want to “forget people or move on.” They feel lonely and sad and are unable to come to terms with losses. They had said that this blocked grief energy stays in the body often causing physical symptoms like pain, high BP, etc. In order to become less lonely, one has to find wholeness within themselves. Interesting concept I thought so I looked into this further...

My Personal story


My struggle with loneliness after my wife's death was immense and spanned over three years. Now as I look back, I feel it was the start of my spiritual journey, a journey that took me inwards, to myself. Most spiritual literature talks about being with yourself, finding silence and learning to be comfortable with non doing. We do not need to fill our spaces, in time or mind.

Grief and loneliness often go hand in hand. For me, my deep loss of Tammy shattered my world. It opened my soul to explore alien landscapes, and the loneliness that came with it was breathtaking. But with this also came an opportunity to explore myself and the world. I began to heal the minute I was able to accept my grief and loneliness. Instead of shutting myself up from the world, I began to connect and reach out. Simple things like a cup of tea with a compassionate friend would bring me to tears, but also gently release some of the pain I carried.

Healing came in the form of art, reading, journalling and exploring spiritual texts such as the Art Of Happiness by HH Dalai Lama and books by Pema Chodron. I began to allow myself to ‘feel my life’. I recognised that it was feeling that gives life depth, meaning, and rightful weight. Running away from loneliness or seeking false ways of covering it, are merely temporary band-aids.
It’s essential to surround oneself by compassionate, brave souls, who won’t be afraid to help you through this journey, who won’t shudder at the extent of your grief or leave you because you trigger feelings of fear and insecurity in them.
This, for me, was the beginning of a lifelong journey into becoming whole. I had to be shattered open and remain open in order to truly be alive and overcome my loneliness and grief.

Like me, many others here have struggled with such negative emotions and many have made the journey to wholeness.

We all have days when we feel lonely, but the idea comes from the false notion that we are separate from each other. Mother Teresa of Calcutta says, “It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always easy to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved in our own home. Bring love into your home for this is where our love for each other must start, and loneliness end.”

Bolt of truth

Loneliness caused by a loss of a loved one is a natural reaction to grief. We are attached to people and with their loss will come emptiness, a space which holds only grief. But when we are lonely, despite the presence of loved ones, what do we do?

Why are we bored, lonely and lazy? Because we don’t have the will to totally open our hearts to others. If you have the strength of will to totally open your heart to others, you will eliminate laziness, selfishness and loneliness. Actually, the reason you get lonely is that you are not doing anything. If you were busy, you wouldn’t have time to get lonely. Loneliness can only enter an inactive mind. If your mind is dull and your body inactive, you get lonely. Basically, this comes from a selfish attitude, and concern for yourself alone. That is the cause of loneliness, laziness and a closed heart.”

I know this sounds vague and odd, but I’ve realised that we are all alone in this world. Time is borrowed and love is on loan. It sounds so sad, I feel depressed thinking like this, but even if you find someone who loves you, you are still alone. That love might be temporary. People die, people move on. Kids move out. I remember being in so much love with my wife and when she had to leave me, I felt so lonely I thought I would die. That comfort was missing, but then I realised that all the relationships we form and cling to are to cover up our loneliness. My relationship with her was a blanket for my own loneliness. I had to learn to let go and deal with that feeling......

How does one deal with that feeling? Simply by recognising and accepting that every relationship is a part of our life and not our life. By examining the balance of our life and seeing which areas need more focus and which need less.
Why are we so obsessive about certain relationships?

What drives us towards an incessant need for company and fun?

How can we become more self-dependant and less externally driven?

What is really causing loneliness?

Are we in the habit of isolating ourselves?

Are we hesitant to reach out?

Self-awareness and examination is the key to mindful living, and mindful living helps us hold our lives gently and with ease. Pondering on our loneliness and processing it with a mentor, spiritual guide or counsellor can help you cope with such feelings and come to terms with losses that have left you feeling lonely. In time, with courage and hard work, we will arrive at a destination where we may be alone, but not lonely.


I want to thank you for taking time to read my thoughts.


I wish you peace

Cal821 ]]> Grief recovery cal821 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1991 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1987&goto=newpost Mon, 14 May 2012 21:54:33 GMT I wanted to share this... Though it is not mine.. I really wish I had been that insightful to have written it myself.



Tear Soup – a recipe for healing after loss


Helpful ingredients to consider:
• A pot full of tears

• One heart willing to be broken open

• A dash of bitters

• A bunch of good friends

• Many handfuls of comfort food

• A lot of patience

• Buckets of water to replace the tears

• Plenty of exercise

• A variety of helpful reading material

• Enough self care

• Season with memories

• Optional: one good therapist and/or support group

Directions:
Choose the size pot that fits your loss. It’s okay to increase pot size if you miscalculated. Combine ingredients. Set the temperature for a moderate heat. Cooking times will vary depending on the ingredients needed. Strong flavors will mellow over time. Stir often. Cook no longer than you need to.

Suggestions:
• Be creative

• Trust your instincts

• Cry when you want to, laugh when you can

• Freeze some soup to use as a starter for next time

• Keep your own soup-making journal so you won’t forget.

Serves:
One
Recipe for Tear Soup ]]> Moving on after a loss cal821 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1987 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1986&goto=newpost Mon, 14 May 2012 21:33:43 GMT " Recovering The Pieces Of Your Life" After your loss... and how a positive attitude will help you find your way through the daily struggles afterwards..


Just my rambling thoughts.. Please feel free to read on



There are many things that we know in this big beautiful life. We understand things, we learn from our experiences. When what we know is working for us, we have no reason to question it. One of the things that I thought I knew I realized I didn’t actually know at all. I didn’t really know it until I learned it again through a personal revelation.

The way we look at things is what shapes our experience. Simple, right? We know this. Dr. Wayne Dyer put it perfectly when he said, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Well, I have found that sometimes we do not even realize we need to change the way we are looking at things. Many times, we just go through the experience without even questioning how we are looking at the situation. We are reactionary in nature, and it was not until I was so tired of feeling upset about a particular subject, that I realized, “Hey wait a minute. I don’t have to feel like this.” While I could not change the actual situation that was causing me to be upset, I absolutely could change the way I looked at it! Despite what reactions those external stimuli were signaling in me up until that point, I could decide to change how I saw the stimuli. Again, this seems pretty elementary. We already know this. Or do we?

When we are in a moment, it is easy to be swept up in the automatic responses we feel. It takes a conscious effort to look for the positive in things. When my situation presented itself, I knew that I should change the way I looked at it, but I simply could not. It almost made me more frustrated to try to look at what very clearly angered me, and try to not be angered by it! And that’s when I figured it out. It is not about changing the thought about the particular subject. It is changing the feeling associated with the thought. The situation is what it is, and we can’t deny that we have preferences and opinions about things. However, if we make a conscious effort to look for something positive, while at the same time acknowledging the thoughts and feeling we are experiencing, we almost give ourselves permission to feel something else. It may sound a little crazy, but try it!

When you are having a negative response to something, validate your feelings about the subject, and then switch gears. Find something positive you can do in response to the situation; find a way to still feel good despite the situation. For me, once I actually did this and witnessed a change in how I was feeling in the midst of the same issue, I understood what I already intellectually knew. Admittedly, I still did not like the situation, but I found things within it that I could enjoy, and from that point on I went about handling myself in the situation very differently. Once I started looking for the positive, I began to feel positive. It works!

Again, it’s not about trying to turn something that you view as negative into suddenly being positive. It is about finding something else within it that does feel positive, and focusing on that. With practice, this gets easier and easier. Validate your feelings, even if they are negative, and then use your thoughts to generate a better feeling. Look for the positive, and you will find it!


Thank you for taking time to read my post..


I wish you peace..


Cal821 ]]> Grief recovery cal821 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1986 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1985&goto=newpost Mon, 14 May 2012 19:01:04 GMT Please feel free to check out this site it is virus free.

This is a website that hosts a beautiful and powerfully moving presentation "to help us feel a little closer to heaven... a gentle reminder that we are not alone." If you are grieving, do not miss this free experience! Excellent for grief healing. Be sure to click on the "Presentation."

www.theinterviewwithgod.com


As Always I wish you peace


Cal821 ]]> Inspirational thoughts and resources cal821 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1985 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1984&goto=newpost Sun, 13 May 2012 21:03:19 GMT Mike had been suffering from what we thought was "flu" for a couple of days. He was no better by the 4th day and said he was starting to have trouble breathing. We were not unduly concerned by this but to cut a long story short he was referred to hospital for some more checks. We joked about the fact that his work colleagues wouldn't believe him getting out of a night shift by going to hospital with the flu. He sent texts to his friends and I took pictures of him in the waiting room. We were still joking around with me sitting on the day bed next to him when he had what was to be the first of several cardiac arrests right in front of me. I don't really remember much after that. He died about 36 hours later. He was just 46.

I don't really remember much in the days or weeks that followed either. I can only describe it is as like being in a film where I was playing a part. Same with the funeral. Everyone seemed sadder and more emotional than me. I knew his passing hadn't really hit me - it was so brutal unexpected and shocking I could even recognise for myself that I was in denial. As a policeman I was used to Mike working shifts so he could've been at work and I suppose I coped by thinking that.

What I haven't mentioned is that Mike was my soulmate, my world, my everything - I know everyone says that but he truly was. We had been together for 30 years and were still in love and absolutely content in each others company. We socialised with a close small group of family and friends but this was on an infrequent basis and no-one took offence at our call screening or declining of invitations - because that was just us. 2 halves of the same being. We were never bored with each others company, rarely argued and did everything together.

I have never truly known grief and I think Mike's passing is only hitting me now and I just don't know what to do. It was his birthday recently and I haven't stopped crying. I just want to be on my own and have shunned family and friends to be alone with my grief. No one understands. Some people cant handle my crying and I am reluctant to talk about losing Mike in case people dont want to hear or be brought down. As it was always Mike who I confided in, I now feel I have no-one. its just so hard to talk to others - to let them in. Ive read posts here saying I should talk to Mike - but that just isnt working for me. I want him the physical him!

I'm angry at him for leaving me, desperately lonely and feel isolated from the world. I just miss him so much that life really does seem pointless. I cant imagine ever harming myself but after the weeks of pretending to be ok I just dont want to put up a pretence any more to friends and family and I could easily see me just withdrawing from life. I feel that without him I just want to fade away, be invisible.

I'm angry when I see families and couples - especially older couples why did this happen to us - him - me at such a relatively young age! Its so strange and yet cruel that a spark of reality enters my head and it dawns on me that he has gone and will never be coming back. When this happens the feelings of his loss are so fresh its painful. This can happen at any time and makes it so difficult to function normally in life.

I'm not even sure why I have written this post. In a way I think I just wanted to get my story out to people who may have been/are going through something similar. Or maybe its just as way of expressing how utterly sad and hopeless I am. If I cant have him what can I do to stop the pain and re-enter the world and feel normal again? ]]> Loss of a spouse or partner kimcaws http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1984 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1983&goto=newpost Sun, 13 May 2012 17:18:32 GMT While Shaun and I were not married, and we both had grown children from our previous marriages, being the kind of guy he was, of course he got me a... While Shaun and I were not married, and we both had grown children from our previous marriages, being the kind of guy he was, of course he got me a beautiful card (signed by him and our two cats).

Needless to say, I had to pull out that card today and reread it for the wonderful memories of that day which will forever be etched in my mind.

Here's how it went:

All I want is one simple thing -
the chance to love you forever.

Day by day,
I find new things
to love about you -
like the way your eyes
light up when you smile,
the sound of your voice
saying my name,
and especially
the way you are with kids

Moment by moment,
I get lost
in just how wonderful you are,
and I want to spend a lifetime
loving you.

Happy Mother's Day


Thanks for letting me share this with you wonderful folks. Every day with Shaun was a wonderful day, and he never missed an opportunity to make my life brighter, happier, and more filled with love.

Blessings to all,

Marjatta ]]> Loss of a spouse or partner Marjatta http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1983 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1982&goto=newpost Sat, 12 May 2012 20:33:35 GMT This is new to me, not sure how this "Thread" works?
I lost my husband six months ago and I really don't know how I'm surviving his death? I asked my son and his family to move in with me because (I discovered) I can't live alone. I seem to get very angry with myself for having to ask my son to move in with me. Everyone keeps telling me it's a big mistake, I should learn to live alone.
I ask you, what am I suppose to do when I can't stand being alone?
My husband was my best friend, I suppose I thought I didn't need anyone else, come to find out I do need women friends in my life. I've tried making friends with ladies (widows) who are about my age but I'm finding it very hard to do. They seem to have their own clicks and don't have room for me. This happened to me in the church I'm attending.
I seem to have better luck making friends with younger women whom I could be their Mother's.
I'm just very lonely, and long for someone to talk too.
Any suggestions out there? ]]> Chat room TomJerrypal21 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1982 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1981&goto=newpost Sat, 12 May 2012 14:12:52 GMT Hello everyone,

I'm feeling so lost and lonely and I need some advice. I will tell my story as shortly as possible so as to not get emotional.
My mum died when I was 13 after a long battle with cancer. My father, whom I met when I was 8 years old (he left when I was a baby) has never been close to me. He had anger issues (shouting/throwing things/ punching walls/ banging his head against the wall) which were unrelated to me but he always took out on me. When he wasn't angry or ranting about politics, he left me alone.

Fast forward 11 years, I'm 24 now. After high school, I left home asap. I have changed careers and courses almost every single year since I have left school. In the years I have left home, I've mostly been happily independent and although I feel bad about not sticking with anything, I generally remain positive.

Finally last year, I realised that my father was having problems with his memory. Visits to the hospital and tests showed that he has dementia. I made the decision to move back in with him as he now needs someone to look after him and he has no one else.

My crisis now is that I do not love my father so that makes taking care of him difficult. He was never a parental figure to me and if anything he made me very miserable and still does. But I cannot leave him alone and I have to look after him. I am also now enrolled in a course that I thought was finally THE ONE but now I cannot study and I'm having doubts again. Thus I am feeling lost. And I feel lonely dealing with him alone :( What can I do to make my situation better? I have felt bad before but not like this. I feel more lost and hopeless then I have ever felt. ]]> Loss of a parent aamelie http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1981 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1979&goto=newpost Thu, 10 May 2012 14:35:51 GMT Last night my mum was taken into hospital as she'd taken an epileptic fit and hadn't come round. I found out earlier this morning that she died. I hate this, I've lost so many family members and losing my mum is the last straw.:mad: ]]> Loss of a parent Crystal230995 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1979 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1977&goto=newpost Thu, 10 May 2012 04:20:41 GMT Hi all.

My beautiful wife Janelle Louise Kingma Madigan passed away aged 34, leaving behind a marriage of 8.5yrs (14 yes together) & two beautiful children, Keirra (6) & Ethan (3).

Janelle was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2009 just 2 days after the birth of our son. She courageously went on an amazing life journey while she tried to overcome this disease, living the mantra of Never, never, Never give up' even after being rediagnosed as 'medically incurable/terminal'.

Her amazing story can be found at www.janellesmiracle.com

I always believed we could achieve a miracle & I never gave up on her until she breathed her last breath in my arms at home in her bed with her parents by her side.

I have spent the majority of the past 3 years by her side, I gave up my career & my life for her. She never stayed 1 night alone at hospital - I was always by her side. Towards the end I rarely slept as I tried to keep her alive while raising our children.

She is my soulmate & I just can't accept she is not coming back. I have already begin trying to contact get in the afterlife & have received amazing signs & messages of hope but it still doesn't bring her back to my physical world.

We've just had Easter, my daughters 6th birthday & now mothers day is coming up & it is just so hard without her.

I am so scared that my children will forget their mummy. She was everything to them. I will spend the rest of my life honouring her in everything I do & will try to fulfil all our dreams as best I can.

Thanks for listening & I pray that you all find peace & that we will all some day be reunited in a special way beyond our imagination & better than we have yet experienced.

Live strong,

Brett Madigan xxxx ]]> Young widows and widowers Brettmadigan http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1977 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1976&goto=newpost Wed, 09 May 2012 19:42:28 GMT I had come across this excerpt from an article written by the Dalai Lama.. His wisdom is phenominal in all facets....it can be applied to us who... I had come across this excerpt from an article written by the Dalai Lama..

His wisdom is phenominal in all facets....it can be applied to us who ourselves are suffering in our lives.. In the end what you put out into the world is what you receive in return.. Feel free to read on....


“Love, compassion, and tolerance are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”

The essence of all religions is love, compassion, and tolerance. Kindness is my true religion. No matter whether you are learned or not, whether you believe in the next life or not, whether you believe in God or Buddha or some other religion or not, in day-to-day life you must be a kind person. When you are motivated by kindness, it doesn’t matter whether you are a practitioner, a lawyer, a politician, an administrator, a worker, or an engineer: whatever your profession or field, deep down you are a kind person. Love, compassion, and tolerance are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive. If you have a particular faith or religion, that is good. But you can survive without it if you have love, compassion, and tolerance. The clear proof of a person’s love of God is if that person genuinely shows love to fellow human beings.

To have strong consideration for others’ happiness and welfare, we must have a special altruistic attitude in which we take upon ourselves the burden of helping others. To generate such an unusual attitude, we must have great compassion — caring about the suffering of others and wanting to do something about it. To have such a strong force of compassion, we must have a strong sense of love that, upon observing sentient beings, wishes that they have happiness — finding a pleasantness in everyone and wishing happiness for everyone, just as a mother does for her sole sweet child. To have a sense of closeness and dearness for others, use as a model a person in this lifetime who was very kind to you. Then extend this sense of gratitude to all beings.

Deep down we must have real affection for each other, a clear realization or recognition of our shared human status. At the same time, we must openly accept all ideologies and systems as a means of solving humanity’s problems. One country, one nation, one ideology, one system is not sufficient. It is helpful to have a variety of different approaches on the basis of a deep feeling of the basic sameness of humanity. We can then make a joint effort to solve the problems of the whole of humankind.

Every major religion has similar ideas of love, the same goal of benefiting through spiritual practice, and the same effect of making its followers into better human beings. All religions teach moral precepts for perfecting the functions of mind, body, and speech. All teach us not to lie or steal or take others’ lives, and so on. The common goal of all moral precepts laid down by the great teachers of humanity is unselfishness. Those teachers wanted to lead their followers away from the paths of negative deeds caused by ignorance and to introduce them to paths of goodness. All religions can learn from one another; their ultimate goal is to produce better human beings who will be more tolerant, more compassionate, and less selfish.

Human beings need spiritual as well as material sustenance. Without spiritual sustenance, it is difficult to get and maintain peace of mind. The purpose of religion is not to argue which one is the best. Over the past centuries, each great teaching has served humanity, so it’s much better to make friends, understand each other, and make an effort to serve humanity than to criticize or argue. Buddha, Jesus Christ, and all other great teachers created their ideas and teachings with sincere motivation, love, and kindness toward humanity, and they shared it for the benefit of humanity. I do not think those great teachers created differences to make trouble. Our human mind always likes different approaches. There is a richness in the fact that there are so many different presentations of the way.

There are two ways to enter into Buddhism: one through faith and one through reasoning. Faith alone may not be sufficient. Buddha always emphasized a balance of wisdom and compassion: a good brain and a good heart should work together. Placing importance on just the intellect and ignoring the heart can create more problems and more suffering in the world. On the other hand, if we emphasize only the heart, and ignore the brain, then there is not much difference between humans and animals. These two must be developed in balance, and when they are, the result is material progress accompanied by good spiritual development. Heart and mind working in harmony will yield a truly peaceful and friendly human family.

I feel that my mission is, wherever I am, to express my feeling about the importance of kindness, compassion, and the true sense of brotherhood. I practice these things. It gives me more happiness, more success. If I practice anger or jealousy or bitterness, no doubt my smile would disappear.
The real troublemakers are anger, jealousy, impatience, and hatred. With them, problems cannot be solved. Though we may have temporary success, ultimately our hatred or anger will create further difficulties. Anger makes for swift solutions. Yet, when we face problems with compassion, sincerity, and good motivation, our solutions may take longer, but ultimately they are better.

When I meet new people, in my mind there is no barrier, no curtain. As human beings you are my brothers and sisters; there is no difference in substance. I can talk with you as I would to old friends. With this feeling we can communicate without any difficulty and can make heart-to-heart contact. Based on such genuine human relations — real feeling for each other, understanding each other — we can develop mutual trust and respect. From that, we can share other people’s suffering and build harmony in human society.



Peace be with you...
Cal821 ]]> Inspirational thoughts and resources cal821 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1976 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1975&goto=newpost Wed, 09 May 2012 12:40:21 GMT Hello, my name is Dawn and I am new here.
I lost my Mom one year ago today the day after Mother's Day no less. She passed unexpectedly sudden at only 63 years old and I think she suffered :*( So many think I should be moved on but I am just stuck in this sort of limbo watching the world continue to move on like I am in some kind of box with a two-way mirror looking out but no one can see me and how I really feel and the lonely tears that are shed when my kids leave for school or go to bed at night. Grief is a lonely thing for me and has been since losing my baby boy at 16 weeks gestation back in 2005. Losing him taught me a lot about grief but somehow even knowing what I know about grieving and the fact that there is no time table or expectations I should be putting on myself it just doesn't seem to help me from being so upset that others don't understand that I am still hurting and just because they may have gotten over their losses quick doesn't mean that is how it is for everyone. My Mom was the only one who even tried to understand what I was going through with the loss of my son and she made the effort most times to try to remember him at special times when no one else would and now that she is gone I am forced to grieve for both my son and my Mother .... Alone. At least until now, that's why I am here. I am tired of feeling alone. It hurts and it sucks, bad. My fiance tries sometimes to be there but I can tell he is just doing it becsuse he thinks he should. I know I am not alone and it is OK to feel what I am feeling I am just tired of feeling it alone and having nowhere to go with it. Thanks for reading and giving me a place to vent.

Dawn ]]> Loss of a parent DawnzCreationz http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1975 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1974&goto=newpost Mon, 07 May 2012 21:31:30 GMT I just wanted to post a suggestive ceramony for the upcoming mothers day.. This Time of the year is always the hardest... especially if this is the... I just wanted to post a suggestive ceramony for the upcoming mothers day..
This Time of the year is always the hardest... especially if this is the first year since the passing of your mother..

Please feel free to take a look... This ceramony can be any time of the year and for any of our past loved ones.. It will help bring a little bit of normalcy back while you are still in your pain... but at the same time help to release some of that pain and pay honor and respect to our lost loved ones..




A MEMORIAL FOR [YOUR LOVED ONE]
You can do this by yourself or with your family... it can become a new tradition every year for you and your loved ones.. You will need four candles to perform the ceramony.. They can be any color ....... You can bring a loving picture into your head of your loved one and then begin the ceramony...

Saying aloud as you light each candle slowly:



As we light these 4 candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, and one for our love.

This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.

This candle represents our courage – to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, to change our lives.

This candle is in your memory – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, the caring and joy you gave us.

This candle is the light of love. As we enter this special day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us. We love you.

And then you can say their name.
And release the thought or picture of them in your mind with love....
I wish you Peace.


Cal821 ]]> Loss of a parent cal821 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1974 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1973&goto=newpost Mon, 07 May 2012 16:37:29 GMT I left home over seven years ago, over somthing silly and trivial between me and my father. For the following 2 to 3 years I made a huge effort to... I left home over seven years ago, over somthing silly and trivial between me and my father.
For the following 2 to 3 years I made a huge effort to try and contact my dad and talk with him - set aside our differences. Get along again.

He rejected me "severly" every time saying he would rather die or go to jail his life than talk to me.

My efforts cut back until last year we were told he had cancer.
Again I made an effort to contact him and talk and he wanted none of it.
I have three older siblings who all see him regularly (one lives with him) and I feel they really could have changed his mind set but dont feel like they actually gave enough of a **** about me to bother trying - they tell me they tried a few times to bring him round but they didnt want to distress him what with him having cancer.

He was on his deathbed Thursday - and i was told to quickly come and see him to say my goodbyes because he was "sedated".

When i got there - he had woken up and my siblings told me i couldnt talk to him or see him as he had just last week said he dosnt want me to even see his dead face, i was told not to cry - get close to him - told what to wear - and the finale - i was told to peep at him from behind the door as they didnt want him to know i was there.

I got angry and walked out.

Two days later he went into a deep coma.
I got a call from my siblings to say i need to come over and say goodbye as hes in a coma.
When i got there - they told me that the nurses were surprised he was still alive - that he was holding on and waiting for somthing.
I went into the room to see him - it was horrid - i was told to say things like i love you and go in peace - i was not allowed to be alone in the room with him as somthing may happen (i dont know what that means either!)

An hour after i left he died.

None of my siblings contacted me for one whole week after he died - I was informed of my dads funeral over a generic text (one that is sent to many) three days before his funeral.
I was not invited to the house or to go see him at the place of rest - infact no contact what-so-ever.

My sister rang two days before the funeral to recite more rules of the attires I should wear and how to behave............
Its all TOO much.

Dont know if i want to go to the funeral which is tomorrow.....
because

1) If my dad didnt want to see/speak to me whilst he was alive and specified recently that he didnt want me to see his dead face - i feel like im betraying him by going and it dosnt feel good.
It also takes me a very long time to recover from an open casket funeral as im quite a weak emotional person.
2) I have no-one to go with who will stand by me and support me
3) I have intense negative feelings towards my siblings which is going to make it 100times harder.

My siblings are so far in my head - that i dont actually know if im right or wrong any more.

Someone please give me some advice - ideas - thoughts - ANYTHING !!!! ]]> Loss of a parent hk28 http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1973