View Full Version : My young children aren't understanding

July 23rd, 2010, 18:38
I have 4 young children. My oldest daughter is Nine, my twin boys are Five, and my youngest little girl is not even a ear old yet.
Of course i dont expect the baby to understand, let alone remember who her mother was, but my boys (and my oldest, sometimes) keep asking me why "mommy isn't home". i keep explaining that my wife has passed away (In the way that you must explain these things to young children) but they never seem to grasp the concept for too long. At first, they would say things like, "I miss mommy" or "i wish mommy would come home". and nomatter how much talking and explaining to them i do, they continue to ask me.
and the pain is still so raw for me, it's getting harder and harder to explain to them what's happened. how do i make them understand it so i dont have to explain it anymore?

July 18th, 2011, 08:03
It is so very hard for certain, we have our own grief and as much as many so want to just curl up and stay there we have to face each day more so for our children, and like you say they are so very young and just cannot grasp that death is that.

We only need to look back maybe at our own childhood and remember allsorts of events that we could not understand, or being told we will be told when we are older, but that does not take the confusion that is with us then with not understanding our own thoughts.

Sometimes when say children are allowed to have pets at home and then when sadly that pet might die, then and only then the great loss is felt for them, and then they can grasp that their pets are not coming back, but of course some do not have any, so they cannot experience that loss.

My Son is very young and at times looks so very lost, and I know basically just what he is thinking, but until he is able to voice that, then I have to keep quiet, as I might add to him something he never thought of, or something that he would be upset even more by.

All I can say is show your feelings to your children, let them cry, let them see that you are unhappy too, many suggest that the lone parent keeps all that in, but by allowing our children, for a little while, to see we are missing their parent too, that helps them, as they can see they are allowed to let it all out what they feel, they can see that what they are feeling inside is normal when anyone passes away, that alone will help them a great deal, and then after walking through that you can all know that each were there for each other when it was so very much needed, that also I believe bonds everyone together even more..

Take care and God Bless you all.


September 10th, 2012, 11:35
Oh I can only imagine how incredibly hard it must be for you right now. A very difficult and emotionally draining time without question. First off, I agree with letting them see you cry and grieve. Children learn from their parents and given the fact that it hits so close to home, they are going to take their emotional lead from you. Children so young I have found have a very difficult time grasping the emotional reality of death and I would also suggest counseling if possible. Stay the course, be there for them, love them and they will be okay.